(In case the depression tries to steal the memory!)
The Red Arrows display for Armed Forces Day in Scarborough was really inspiring - I realised that I could be part of the world, but on my terms. I didn't need to be in the rush and push of all the people in town, but neither did I have to miss out! That sounds really obvious when its written down, but it was a bit of a revelation.
I found a secluded spot on the South Cliff, fairly near to the Italian Gardens and settled in for the show! Just stopping and sitting and waiting is something I'm not very good at. To begin with I fidgeted and fussed and was a bit grumpy - even decided that it was stupid to be just sitting there when there were other things to do, and did I really want to see the Red Arrows anyway - I've seen them before. I decided to go home - that's just what I do - but then I thought, well what are you going to do at home? Fidget and fuss and be really grumpy?
I made a conscious effort to sit still and breathe - then I started to cry - without feeling embarrassed or guilty, without even really feeling sad. Just feeling safe and actually ok. Ok to look around and stop. Stop worrying about being self conscious- and the world just sort of opened up.
And that was before the Red Arrows even got here!!
A very good day.
Saturday 29th June 2013.
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